Your Only Choice is the Role you will Play
Wow. I hope my thoughts are coherent as I write this. My blood is pumping with adrenaline. Something very, very strange just happened, and I want to share it right away, but I’m still shaking and I want to make sure my description is rational.
I have a neighbor, whom I barely know. They are a charming young couple with a precocious three-year-old. The man’s name is Jim and I never can remember the wife’s name. The three-year-old is Madison. She’s one of those not-quit-chubby-but-hasn’t-yet-grown-taller toddlers. She’s got chocolate brown hair that falls perfectly in a Dorothy Hamill cut. She is constantly smiling her baby-teeth smile at my wife and me as we pass in the hall of our apartment building, especially if we have our dog with us. This is a child that loves life and is full of more energy than any 10 mortals deserve. At least that’s my impression from our 5 second encounters. I don’t really know them, but I know who they are. Do you know what I mean?
The couple doesn’t get out much and so I guess today they decided to hire a babysitter and to go out, perhaps to a matinee movie. I only know this because I heard someone being walked around their apartment being given specific instructions about who to call in case of an emergency and his cell phone number and her cell phone number and what to do if she gets their voice mail and that they would call her right back if they miss the call because they might have their phones on vibrate and… you get the picture. They don’t get out much.
We can hear the neighbors a bit better than either of us wishes and so I heard the bath running not too long after the parents left. I heard the usual “bath time” followed by tiny feet running and squealing as Madison decided it was not bath time after all. This is almost a comforting rhythm for me. Bath runs. Madison runs. Parents chase and laugh. Madison gets a bath. But there was something different. The baby sitter wasn’t laughing.
The more Madison ran, the more the babysitter tried to sound authoritarian. “Madison, you come here right now!” Pause. “Madison, I mean it.” Longer pause. “One…two…Madison you come back here!” I laughed quietly to myself. This babysitter had a lot to learn about the use of power and authority. Madison was running this show and she knew it.
After a couple of minutes, I heard a sound I wasn’t expecting. It was the sound of Madison being spanked. Now, let me say that I believe there may be times for a spanking, so it’s not the spanking itself that disturbed me so. It was the length to which it was carried on…by a babysitter…in anger. I could feel my face flushing. Like I said, I don’t really know this couple that well, and it’s not my child, and, I didn’t hire the babysitter…but I’m babbling. Let’s just say I thought about telling the parents when they came home.
Now I was interested in what was going on next door. Madison was very upset. She had not seen this coming. From her perspective it was normal behavior to run before the bath, but this beating must have seemed unfair, unprovoked and, quite frankly, completely new. I don’t think Madison had ever been spanked before for any reason. And she was livid.
The sound moving from the far end of the apartment until the sitter and Madison arrived in the bathroom sounded like quite the struggle. I could tell that Madison was being dragged forcibly toward the still-running bathtub. She was howling and the sitter was barking out threats of further beatings. But this was nothing compared to what happened when they finally arrived in the bathroom.
Through our thin walls I heard the baby sitter undressing the sobbing child. Madison was beginning to calm. The sitter was beginning to calm. But when the sitter lifted Madison into the tub, Madison screamed at a pitch that caused me to leap out of my chair. “Hot” she screamed. “HOT!”
“Oh, it’s not that hot,” I heard the sitter say while struggling to hold Madison down while simultaneously switching off the hot water and switching on the cold.
“HOT!” insisted Madison and she screamed again.
Now, let me interrupt this story with two questions.
In any situation in which someone is being victimized, there are only six roles you and I can play.
This is the total extent of our choices. Whether we welcome our role or not, simply by being aware of the situation means we have taken on one of these roles. The only good news here is that we have a choice as to which role we will play.
Obviously, the babysitter is the perpetuator and Madison is the victim (or perhaps the resistor). But what about us? What is our role here? Are we going to be a collaborator, bystander, resistor or rescuer? If you’re like me, there are only one or two choices that fit my values. I can resist, or I can rescue. Nothing else matches my image of myself.
Use this same model to think about what happened during the holocaust. As six million Jews were systematically stripped of their rights, swept up into ghettoes and concentration camps, and eventually murdered, what role did their neighbors play? They did not ask for a role, but by virtue of the public humiliation of the Jews, they had no choice to but to take on one of the roles named above. Sure there were some who were resistors and rescuers, but the truth is, the vast majority of the neighbors of the Jews who were murdered, were simply bystanders.
Historian Ian Kershaw, who has deeply studied the holocaust, said “The road to Auschwitz was built by hate, but paved with indifference.” As the most infamous genocide of all time was taking place, most people who were aware played the role of the bystander - millions of times, millions of choices and millions upon millions of bystanders. As Edmund Burke is supposed to have said, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” The cost of indifference is incalculable.
As you read the news reports about men tortured or shackled in the euphemistically phrased “stress positions,” for hours on end, sleep deprived, and kept at extreme temperatures…some guilty, some innocent, and yet none of them charged…when you read about men being held without charge in Guantanamo Bay for five years or more, without hope of reprieve, unable to face their accusers in court…when you are aware of all of this, how do you feel? Are you unblinking and unmoved?
As you read the story of Madison, you are moved to…what? Outrage? Anger? Action? I tell you one fictitious story about one fictitious little girl, and you’re ready to leap out of your chair. You hear hundreds of reports of men being treated in the most heinous and inhumane ways, and what is your reaction? More importantly, what is your role? Are you a bystander, or are you willing to be a resistor or even a rescuer? Are you ready to take direct action, such as signing petitions, writing letters or participating in protests? Or is it OK with you to be a bystander? Again, you get to choose one of the roles, but these roles are your only choices.
What is it about the plight of men being held in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, or being tortured in secret CIA prisons…what is it about men who are flown by our government to Syria or Egypt or other countries to be tortured on our behalf that does not move you? Is it because our government has told us that these men are “bad men” or that they are “terrorists,” and yet they have never been tried or found guilty of anything?
Did you know that of the more than 700 men who have come through Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, only 10 have ever been formally charged with any crime and none have been given a trial to determine whether or not the charges are true? Did you know that a few hundred men have been released from Guantanamo Bay, and turned over to their home countries for “further prosecution,” and yet the vast majority of those released from Guantanamo Bay are never prosecuted, but released from custody? Why? It seems there’s no reason to hold these people since it was never shown that they were in any way connected to Qaeda or terrorism.
In closing, let’s look at the words of Elie Wiesel, a holocaust survivor who gave a speech at the Whitehouse in 1999. As he looked back at the violence of the century just ending, he remarked:
"So much violence, so much indifference. What is indifference? Etymologically, the word means 'no difference.' A strange and unnatural state in which the lines blur between light and darkness, dusk and dawn, crime and punishment, cruelty and compassion, good and evil."
Our children will look back at this time in history. What will your role be? As you choose, remember that there is a very high price to be paid for indifference.
I have a neighbor, whom I barely know. They are a charming young couple with a precocious three-year-old. The man’s name is Jim and I never can remember the wife’s name. The three-year-old is Madison. She’s one of those not-quit-chubby-but-hasn’t-yet-grown-taller toddlers. She’s got chocolate brown hair that falls perfectly in a Dorothy Hamill cut. She is constantly smiling her baby-teeth smile at my wife and me as we pass in the hall of our apartment building, especially if we have our dog with us. This is a child that loves life and is full of more energy than any 10 mortals deserve. At least that’s my impression from our 5 second encounters. I don’t really know them, but I know who they are. Do you know what I mean?
The couple doesn’t get out much and so I guess today they decided to hire a babysitter and to go out, perhaps to a matinee movie. I only know this because I heard someone being walked around their apartment being given specific instructions about who to call in case of an emergency and his cell phone number and her cell phone number and what to do if she gets their voice mail and that they would call her right back if they miss the call because they might have their phones on vibrate and… you get the picture. They don’t get out much.
We can hear the neighbors a bit better than either of us wishes and so I heard the bath running not too long after the parents left. I heard the usual “bath time” followed by tiny feet running and squealing as Madison decided it was not bath time after all. This is almost a comforting rhythm for me. Bath runs. Madison runs. Parents chase and laugh. Madison gets a bath. But there was something different. The baby sitter wasn’t laughing.
The more Madison ran, the more the babysitter tried to sound authoritarian. “Madison, you come here right now!” Pause. “Madison, I mean it.” Longer pause. “One…two…Madison you come back here!” I laughed quietly to myself. This babysitter had a lot to learn about the use of power and authority. Madison was running this show and she knew it.
After a couple of minutes, I heard a sound I wasn’t expecting. It was the sound of Madison being spanked. Now, let me say that I believe there may be times for a spanking, so it’s not the spanking itself that disturbed me so. It was the length to which it was carried on…by a babysitter…in anger. I could feel my face flushing. Like I said, I don’t really know this couple that well, and it’s not my child, and, I didn’t hire the babysitter…but I’m babbling. Let’s just say I thought about telling the parents when they came home.
Now I was interested in what was going on next door. Madison was very upset. She had not seen this coming. From her perspective it was normal behavior to run before the bath, but this beating must have seemed unfair, unprovoked and, quite frankly, completely new. I don’t think Madison had ever been spanked before for any reason. And she was livid.
The sound moving from the far end of the apartment until the sitter and Madison arrived in the bathroom sounded like quite the struggle. I could tell that Madison was being dragged forcibly toward the still-running bathtub. She was howling and the sitter was barking out threats of further beatings. But this was nothing compared to what happened when they finally arrived in the bathroom.
Through our thin walls I heard the baby sitter undressing the sobbing child. Madison was beginning to calm. The sitter was beginning to calm. But when the sitter lifted Madison into the tub, Madison screamed at a pitch that caused me to leap out of my chair. “Hot” she screamed. “HOT!”
“Oh, it’s not that hot,” I heard the sitter say while struggling to hold Madison down while simultaneously switching off the hot water and switching on the cold.
“HOT!” insisted Madison and she screamed again.
Now, let me interrupt this story with two questions.
- How are you feeling right now?
- What would you do? Here are some choices:
If you’ve been reading this story with anything more than a passing interest, I’m sure you’re like me – heart pounding, blood pressure up, anxious to resolve this. I realize that, with Madison suspended in this situation, it’s hard to think of anything else, but for one moment, let’s pretend that you’re me, that you’re in this situation. You’re standing five feet away from this screaming child with a thin wall in between. This brings us to our second question.
- Collaborate with the babysitter and help her victimize Madison.
- Run next door and jump into the tub with Madison so that you are also victim.
- Bang on the wall and shout at the babysitter, hoping to disrupt the situation.
- Dial 9-1-1, run to the neighboring apartment door, kick in the door, run to the bathroom and snatch up the child.
- Not bother with the phone or door, but jump straight through the wall.
- Go down to Starbucks and try the new Mint Mocha Frappuccino your friends are raving about.
In any situation in which someone is being victimized, there are only six roles you and I can play.
- Perpetuator
- Collaborator
- Victim
- Bystander
- Resistor
- Rescuer
This is the total extent of our choices. Whether we welcome our role or not, simply by being aware of the situation means we have taken on one of these roles. The only good news here is that we have a choice as to which role we will play.
Obviously, the babysitter is the perpetuator and Madison is the victim (or perhaps the resistor). But what about us? What is our role here? Are we going to be a collaborator, bystander, resistor or rescuer? If you’re like me, there are only one or two choices that fit my values. I can resist, or I can rescue. Nothing else matches my image of myself.
Use this same model to think about what happened during the holocaust. As six million Jews were systematically stripped of their rights, swept up into ghettoes and concentration camps, and eventually murdered, what role did their neighbors play? They did not ask for a role, but by virtue of the public humiliation of the Jews, they had no choice to but to take on one of the roles named above. Sure there were some who were resistors and rescuers, but the truth is, the vast majority of the neighbors of the Jews who were murdered, were simply bystanders.
Historian Ian Kershaw, who has deeply studied the holocaust, said “The road to Auschwitz was built by hate, but paved with indifference.” As the most infamous genocide of all time was taking place, most people who were aware played the role of the bystander - millions of times, millions of choices and millions upon millions of bystanders. As Edmund Burke is supposed to have said, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” The cost of indifference is incalculable.
As you read the news reports about men tortured or shackled in the euphemistically phrased “stress positions,” for hours on end, sleep deprived, and kept at extreme temperatures…some guilty, some innocent, and yet none of them charged…when you read about men being held without charge in Guantanamo Bay for five years or more, without hope of reprieve, unable to face their accusers in court…when you are aware of all of this, how do you feel? Are you unblinking and unmoved?
As you read the story of Madison, you are moved to…what? Outrage? Anger? Action? I tell you one fictitious story about one fictitious little girl, and you’re ready to leap out of your chair. You hear hundreds of reports of men being treated in the most heinous and inhumane ways, and what is your reaction? More importantly, what is your role? Are you a bystander, or are you willing to be a resistor or even a rescuer? Are you ready to take direct action, such as signing petitions, writing letters or participating in protests? Or is it OK with you to be a bystander? Again, you get to choose one of the roles, but these roles are your only choices.
What is it about the plight of men being held in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, or being tortured in secret CIA prisons…what is it about men who are flown by our government to Syria or Egypt or other countries to be tortured on our behalf that does not move you? Is it because our government has told us that these men are “bad men” or that they are “terrorists,” and yet they have never been tried or found guilty of anything?
Did you know that of the more than 700 men who have come through Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, only 10 have ever been formally charged with any crime and none have been given a trial to determine whether or not the charges are true? Did you know that a few hundred men have been released from Guantanamo Bay, and turned over to their home countries for “further prosecution,” and yet the vast majority of those released from Guantanamo Bay are never prosecuted, but released from custody? Why? It seems there’s no reason to hold these people since it was never shown that they were in any way connected to Qaeda or terrorism.
In closing, let’s look at the words of Elie Wiesel, a holocaust survivor who gave a speech at the Whitehouse in 1999. As he looked back at the violence of the century just ending, he remarked:
"So much violence, so much indifference. What is indifference? Etymologically, the word means 'no difference.' A strange and unnatural state in which the lines blur between light and darkness, dusk and dawn, crime and punishment, cruelty and compassion, good and evil."
Our children will look back at this time in history. What will your role be? As you choose, remember that there is a very high price to be paid for indifference.
Labels: Auschwitz, bystander, collaborator, Cuba, detainees, Edmund Burke, genocide, Guantanamo, Guantanamo Bay, Holocaust, Ian Kershaw, Jew, Nazi, perpetuator, rescuer, resistor, terror, terrorists, victim
posted by RFD Blog at
10:23 AM
0 Comments
Links to this post
Social bookmark this
